When we look at the lives of others, it is often easy to see how they go wrong and fail to achieve what they desire. Part of the reason for this is obviously having enough distance to see what is failing, what is a roadblock, and what behaviors are counterproductive.
When it comes to our own lives, on the other hand, usually people fail to really understand how to extend this concept to their own lives and goals. Here are common situations where I see individuals fail to apply this understanding.
- When someone tells me that they tried their best and failed, they almost never did.
- When someone complaint that they have the ability to do something but cannot overcome their own laziness, that is rarely the issue (I will be covering this in The Myth of 100% Part 2).
The above two bullets essentially give you the two ends of the goal-failure spectrum. One side believes they try too hard and fail to get results, the other side believes that they want to get results but suffer from a failure of motivation and discipline. Occasionally, individuals in one group or the other are pretty much exactly correct in their assessment of their situation. For example, a individual can truly put in 100% towards a clear, well defined plan to achieve a goal but fails do simply to “bad luck” such as being a victim of crime, poor market or the changing cost of doing business, or some other form of “bad timing”, or some factors outside of their control. These cases are the exception to the rule. Usually, the blame is closer to home.
The Myth of 100%: How to Hone Your Efforts Past Your Perception
- Many people, myself included have discussed the importance of having a detailed and accurate plan to reach your goals. I won’t go into detail here again, but this is the first reason why 100% could equal as little as 0%, in reality.
- People look for a way out: without realizing it, most people who fail do so for specific psychological reasons. You can give 100% virtually all the time, but if the other thin slice of your time is a destructive or counter-productive behavior, all the efforts can easily be spoiled.
It does not take very much destruction to demolish a great deal of hard work. There are many sayings surrounding the idea the one drop of toxic can spoil a great deal of pure. The implications of this second bullet are that you must be more aware of anything you do that could sabotage you greater effort. Getting enough perspective to do this can be quite difficult, and outside or professional assistance may be helpful. Whether you gain assistance from a friend, life coach, or counselor, the first step remains eliminating the belief that “you did everything that you could”. This sentiment is almost universally common, and is almost universally untrue. More often, the individual felt fully emotionally or mentally invested in the endeavor, which is different from having no better option at any point in the execution of the plans.
[T]he belief that “you did everything that you could”… is almost universally common, and is almost universally untrue. More often, the individual felt fully emotionally or mentally invested in the endeavor, which is different from having no better option at any point in the execution of the plans.
In a long poker tournament such as a World Series event, a player can compete for days, remaining focused and optimally aware of his or her surroundings, and all the information available. This individual could even make correct decisions every step of the way, but then fail just short of the goal of victory. Here, I am not talking about getting unlucky. My initial ‘disclaimer’ applies here too. Countless times, I have seen competitors fail because for one moment, they lost focus and let the psychological pressure crack them. Subconsciously, they sought a way out. This was articulated in their behavior by performing profoundly below their ability. These individuals will invariably lose awareness of their surroundings, or else lose objectivity about what the information they have means. They will impose their sabotage upon the moment without even knowing it, just as the other goal-sabotagers I am talking about here today do.
This ‘psychologically cracked’ state can be brought about simply by pushing yourself harder, under more stress, than your mind and body can handle at that given time. Essentially, you have run out of resilience.
Mentally, nothing will have changed. Your goal is still at the front of your attention. You want it just as bad. But suddenly things go sideways.
This ‘psychologically cracked’ state can be brought about simply by pushing yourself harder, under more stress, than your mind and body can handle at that given time. Essentially, you have run out of resilience.
Mentally, nothing will have changed. Your goal is still at the front of your attention. You want it just as bad. But suddenly things go sideways.
Precisely how you destroy your progress and sabotage your goal achievement is limitless. It will depent upon a host of psychological factors. You may be able to gain some insight into this by examining how you behaved at times in the past when you exhausted your resilience. Often, you will be best off conducting this type of analysis with a professional.
In our poker tournament example, the player, weathered by days of intense focus and stress hormones and adrenaline bursts, loses the ability to skillfully analyse the situation to determine the optimal play. These players feel the pressure of the situation, usually without consciously turning their minds to their psychological condition. Subconsciously, they will be looking for a way out. The result is typically less nuanced play and more aggressive moves (often immediately preceded by a period of passivity, with growing anxiety). The player rationalizes an overly aggressive move that puts themselves at greatly increased risk. An example would be pushing allin in a bad spot, or pushing allin repeatedly (i.e. putting their entire tournament on the line in an unfavorable spot while rationalizing the behavior as skillful and acceptable). These elements correspond to ‘real life’ situations in the same way.
You can give 100% but you lose your ability to make optimal decisions, or even marginally good ones, the behavior is simply goal demolition.
Often, you will be ‘too close’ mentally or emotionally to your goal to be able to see all the potential pitfalls that would hinder your progress or lead to your failure. You can help yourself by keeping a close eye at your overall condition and ‘resilence meter’.
Listen to your body. Look out for unskillful thinking and behavior or reduced clarity on how to proceed towards your goal. Doing nothing will not help. Neither will following passivity with stressed out ‘blunt force’. Keep track of your resources, including people around you who can offer their fresh perspective. Watch your ‘resilience meter’. Know when you need to recharge. Slam the brakes on your subliminal wrecking ball before it demos all your hard work.
Build well,
CRC
